A Room With a View

Last year when I needed money to either a) replace the engine in my old Pontiac for $6000 or b) buy a new car, I received the incredible gift of $6000 from Jose to do with as I pleased (and we weren’t even dating).  The terms were:  no repayment needed.  He had the money and enjoys helping out friends in need.

I often have an uneasy feeling when someone offers to buy me anything.  I do appreciate people’s generosity, but I end up living with quite a lot of guilt.  Several years ago I was in dire financial straits and would have lost everything if my parents hadn’t stepped in (after illegally pulling my credit report) and loaned me a subtantial amount of money (with terms of repayment).  I also have a distinct memory as a child throwing a temper tantum in the store for a toy that I didn’t need and only sort of wanted.  Mom caved and bought it.  I used it, enjoyed it, but learned years later about how much my parents struggled during that time to run a business and make ends meet.  Still feel guilty to this day.

So I took Jose’s gift.  Used it as down payment on my Jetta.  I’ve felt guilty ever since but took Jose at his word that no repayment was needed.  I even got used to him paying for dinner and movies.  He knew about my hang up and pretty much told me to get over it. Then the relationship ended.  And I found myself in a situation that Judge Judy describes as not having a legal obligation, but a moral obligation to repay a debt.  So every couple paychecks I send a bill pay check to Jose for about $30.  Not much.  I’ve made no dent in the debt.  But it satisfies my belief in paying him back.

But he continues to piss me off.  And I don’t want to pay him.  So this morning, as I opened my eyes in the wee hours of the morning to get ready for work.  I decided that I would instead pay back the loan by making donations to a charitable organization.  Haven’t decided which one yet.  I am open to suggestions to a worthy national cause.  If you’re in Arizona, please feel free to suggest any local charities or organizations that I should consider.

I am so excited for this.  I would much rather have $6000 go to feed the hungry and clothe the poor than fill the coffers of an ass.  Pardon my French.

Please send suggestions.  Thanks!